To My Kids: Praying For Your Future Spouses
To My Kids: Praying for Your Future Spouses
Daddy and I joke with you both a lot about when you both start dating. Although Daddy tells you both all the time he’s going to meet all your boyfriends/girlfriends on the doorstep with a gun, I think he’s just kidding. I think. I know this both seems far away to you both right now, at 7 & 11, I hope your thoughts on this subject are set on “to be continued” for some time yet. I do want you to know however, I consistently pray for the people you end up marrying, if either of you should decide to fall in love at all.
You know how I ask you all the time “Hey, have I told you lately that I love you?” I stole that from your Papa Clay. Here’s the thing: like most things parents say, we learned certain phrases and characteristics from someone else. It drove me nuts as a kid when he would ask me that, I really don’t know why. Almost immediately after burying him, I wanted desperately to hear him ask me that again. So that’s how you two ended up with a mom who asks you that all the time. I understand it drives you both nuts. When you get to heaven you can discuss it with him, right after he asks me again.
It’s the same thing with praying for your future spouses. Your grandparents told me all the time they were praying for whoever I would marry. It was weird at the time. As I think about all that you both might accomplish and fail in this lifetime; I understand the possibility of a significant other may be part of your story. This both excites and terrifies me. Terrifying at how quickly it might come and exciting because all those prayers may hold a “that is him/her” moment for myself. Your Papa Clay met your Daddy on a Sunday afternoon. We had officially been dating for two days. Papa Clay spent the next three days crying in his office until he was finally able to tell your grandma “that’s him. Lindsey is getting married and she doesn’t even know it yet.” And some say prayers don’t work. I’m taking my turn in praying for spouses for the two of you.
For my daughter: I pray your spouse is someone who upholds every ideal of what kind of woman you are and the kind of woman you want to become. May he never leave you asking questions as to whether or not you are good enough. I never want to you never believe anyone who doesn’t fully have your best interests in mind. Your spouse will have to have a very patient spirit. It will come in handy when you lose your cool. Your particular passion burns red hot, irregardless of whether are right or wrong. If your spouse can tell me all of the things they love about you without mentioning the physical first, he’s a keeper. Smart, witty, passionate, spirited and glorious all have nothing to do with your body parts. While you are a princess who can kill your own dragons, having an equal partner in your life can be a whole lot of fun. If you allow him and only him to capture a piece of you no one else ever has before, you will be in a constant state of exploring life together.
For my son: I actually pray for your spouse more than your sister’s. The world fights hard to tell us women what and who to be, I pray she never believes you can rescue her. Only Jesus can do that. You are not her knight in shinning armor and you will not bring her a fairy tale. While you may often be her champion, the ultimate victor of her heart should not be you. Son, it cannot be you. A woman who puts you on such a pedestal will be the first to knock you off of it. Marriage is nothing if not pure effort. Yes, there are moments of passion, beauty, elation, and joy. There is also hurt, agony and questions. But the good and the bad are mere moments stacked to . Combined together with years, laughs, tears and covered in good prayer, this a marriage makes.
I have no idea who they might be or when they are bound to pop into our lives. I am hopeful it will be some long time yet. However, time has flown by us and I know it all when come too soon for my liking. I will not pay for grandiose weddings, so don’t even ask. Your Daddy & I married with borrowed everything and had tuxes, cakes and flowers for less than $500. If you can’t marry in the poor house, you’ll never be able to handle any wealth together either. Marriage is a roller coaster, be careful who you ride with, they may lose their lunch at the most inopportune time. Whoever you choose, I will not harass you about your choice too awfully much. You, in turn, cannot complain to me about your choice later when it gets hard. Because it will get hard. Sometimes it will stay hard.
Son, should you raise a hand to your bride, you will meet Jesus sooner than you think. I am raising you better than such behavior. Darling daughter, you’ve already been taught how to throw a punch and your father does not look good in orange. Please be on the lookout long for warring behavior, before your vows are said. I will have already run copious background checks on him and his family. It may be one of the few perks of having a lawyer for a mother.
I love you both and promise to be the best mother in law I can, provided neither of you force me into such a station in life too quickly.
Hugs and love,