Letters to Lexi: Promises About “Bad” Choices
Letters to Lexi: “Bad” Life Choices
You have a sibling, so rivalry is something in which you are closely intimated. My younger brother, sister and I shared in our brand of “I can do this better than you.” For my brother, it was relentlessly teasing his older sisters for our adherence to rules and structure. There is so much wild beauty in being a younger child. The trappings of parental expectation fade the deeper you go down a birth order.
My brother was wickedly tatted down the whole side of his left arm. He made tattoos look good. While both my parents grunted and moaned with each new needle that touched his arm, being their baby, they kept the bitching to a minimum.
He always teased my sister and I that we would never get tattoos of our own because we could never stand the pain. A needle in the skin in nothing to the angst of losing someone you love most in the world. The Bible verse on his tombstone graces my shoulder and my sister’s right arm. We were devastated he was not with us when we got them both done.
When Dad saw them he said “I still don’t like tattoos, but I understand why you girls did it.” When Dad died less than 4 months after Guy, I wracked my brain for all of the parental wisdom he had been imparting for the last 34 years of my life. One of the biggest lessons comes to me when I look at my left shoulder. “I don’t like it, but I understand it.”
Perhaps that is all that matters as parents as we watch our young make decisions in life. We can guide you, lead you, scream and try to make you understand, but in the end, the decision to be made is not ours. The weight and the longevity of such decision is for you alone.
I’m still processing what that may mean for your own life. I’m not thrilled about some of the life choices that remain open for your choosing. The protective, tigress of a parental figure wants to keep you from every evil there is outside our front door.
I may not like it. I may even label it as bad. I promise that I will not make you suffer through my disdain for the rest of your life. While I may not agree, I will try to understand the why and the how of your decisions. Should you ask my opinion, it will be provided to you. Free of as much judgment as I can muster and I will try not to freak out. As we are both new to this adventure of re-creating our family’s legacy, I may fail at my attempts. Please understand that is not my intention.
Hugs and Love,
Letters to Lexi is a blog series written for women and girls who may need a differing look at womanhood. We explore the good, the weird, the hard and above all else, the truth about what it means to be a woman and what your femininity means to you. So glad to have you here. You can read the first installment here. If you have thoughts or post ideas about the topic of womanhood, I’d love to hear from you. Shoot me an email and let’s start a discussion.