5 Tips for Showing Love In Your Marriage


5 Tips for Showing Love In Your Marriage

It use to drive me insane that my spouse and I have two separate love languages. This means we show love in completely opposite ways. There are days I don’t believe we could  be further apart. Our love is the most polar of  scales. My receptors look for the words and my man’s look for the action. Perhaps that is why so many people told us we’d never work out. A love like ours, spoken in different languages would falter and fail. Young and dumb and blinded, we never cared what anyone else thought of us. Yet they naysayers were right about one thing: it can be really hard loving someone who doesn’t speak the same language as you. After 13 years together, it remains one of our biggest fights.

Times when I need to hear the words, when I need verbalization of how he feels, often the words don’t come. The love is there, we are both sure of it, but it is not in either way we think we are looking forward to receiving. He waits for me to stop babbling about my feelings and book plane tickets to celebrate an anniversary. While I’m talking, he’s thankful if his lunch is packed for the fire station and his laundry is clean and put away.

 

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We are marching toward our second decade of promise and devotion to one another and yet we still have so much to learn from each other.  We have become a lot better in seeing and appreciating certain things. Here are 5 tips we use to show love to one another more fully in our marriage.

1.) We know exactly what our love languages are and if you and your spouse don’t, you owe it to yourselves to figure it out. I’ve provided you the link here for you and your spouse to take the quiz. Most people have a primary and a secondary way that they give and receive love. Once you know this about you and your spouse, use it as a communication tool to talk about how you are or are not giving and/or receiving love to one another.

2.) Knowing that the Hubs is a acts of service and a quality time personality, I write out date nights a few weeks in advance and I make sure a few times every week I challenge myself to do something for him, no matter how small it is. Loading the dishwasher or remembering to pick up his favorite type of shaving cream instead of what is just on sale, both count!

3.) While everyone talks about date nights and how important they are, let’s be real for a moment: they can also be expensive and hard to schedule. With kids and both of us working full time jobs, it’s just hard to schedule dinner and a movie and pay for a babysitter. So on the weeks when we are desperate face to face interaction, we “day date”. Whether it is coffee or grabbing lunch or even me leaving the office an hour before the kids get home from school, we just talk. You remember what that’s like right? It’s magical and when there are not little ones demanding your attention, you may even gaze into your spouse’s face for awhile.

4.) We can both agree on pictures. Being a words person and Hubs being NOT such a thing, we can agree on Pinterest. It’s words inside a picture (for me) and the act of pinning things to one another (creates dialogue and acts for him). I set up our own board and added him as a contributor, so we can pin things back and forth to one another about love or just what one another likes. I’ve provided you a link to it here so you can see some examples of just another communication tool you can use to love your marriage.

5.) We fight. This seems really counter intuitive, I know. But if you want to be heard, sometimes it involves things being heated. They don’t have to be this way for long and definitely not a recurring activity, but displaying emotions is a healthy response to not feeling full in your relationship.

What ways do you and your spouse show love to one another? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

photo courtesy of Rina Pitucci 

Lindsey Andrews
About me

Attorney & Author. Always in search for daily joy.

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