Parents-Stop Telling Yourself To “Do Better”

Parents-Stop Telling Yourself To “Do Better”

The past few days have been taxing as a mother. You know the kind of days, right? The days where everyone is screaming at each other, the dog is chewing every damned thing in the house and every move you make is the wrong one. It’s been several of these days over here. They’ve come back to back. I keep whispering to myself I have to find a way to do better.

So one night after the lights were out and I’m sobbing in the corner of the living room, I started searching for the words. The internet is full of them. Surely, such a place of infinite wisdom would provide the needed words for me to “do better”.  I searched under “Parenting”, “motherhood”, “mommy tips” and “parenthood” bring up millions of results after a search.

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A lot of them really suck. After the  fiftieth  tenth (I wasn’t patient enough to get to fifty) time of reading “How to Do Better at Parenting” titles, I closed my laptop. More reminders of how I wasn’t parenting right was definitely NOT what I needed in that moment.

Why do we do this to ourselves? In the middle of crisis, we turn and look at how everyone else responds to a situation. It’s no wonder why we feel lacking at the end of such a comparison. I’m not going to find confidence in my parenting by reading someone else’s glowing words in her moment of joy.
There are definitely instances where I need a solid list of ways to do better. It is never when I am hurting. Just like my kids, my employees, and my friends. We humans respond better out of a place of being loved and secure in order to effectuate change. At least, I know that is how I respond better in situations.

So this is not your “Do Better” post. I don’t think any of us need that tonight. I know I sure don’t. Since you’re in the middle of parenting, you’re doing it. And you’re doing just fine.

This is your simple reminder that if you are doing it, you are doing it well. Well enough for today anyways. Maybe you need to read an article tomorrow about controlling screaming at your toddler. Tonight is not that night Mama. Thinking about Googling “suggestions for not murdering my pre-teen daughter?” Save it for tomorrow. Rest in the fact you both are still breathing tonight.

Get everyone tucked into bed and shut off the lights. Make yourself a cup of tea or pour a glass of wine if today has been that rough. If you journal, grab a pen. Do you paint? Put a brush in your hand. Need to enter a TV marathon with your favorite Netflix addiction? Grab the remote.

Leave the dishes in the sink and the laundry in the dryer. Give yourself an evening off.

You don’t need to “do better” you just need to be reminded you’re not alone in the sometimes mess that is parenthood.

Lindsey Andrews
About me

Attorney & Author. Always in search for daily joy.


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